I’ve written extensively about my past relationship with God. I don’t mean to beat a dead horse, and it’s not that I’m living in the past. But there’s a reason that the Scriptures provide so much history and background. Nothing happens by accident. It’s all a part of God’s plan. And as much of my life as I spent seeking God, I know that there’s purpose for it. One of those purposes, I believe, was to build a more meaningful connection when I finally “found” Him. The second, I hope, was to better equip me to help others who have had similar struggles.
The popular verses of Jeremiah 29 hit differently when you’ve faced a similar battle. Jeremiah 29:11-13 says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.’”
Hearing these verses as an unbeliever searching for meaning was less than inspiring. Sometimes infuriating. Sometimes, I’d say, laughable. You just don’t get it until you get it. And I didn’t get it. It all seemed like a cruel joke to me.
“If God has a plan for me, I don’t want to see it.”
“I’ve seen what kind of plans He has and I am NOT a fan.”
This was my belief system for a long time. I knew my life. I knew my suffering. And I knew that much of my suffering was the consequence of my own actions. But, I thought, as many of us have as well, what kind of God allows this kind of suffering?
In college I wrote an essay proving God’s existence. I read all the theories and scientific proofs. I maybe looked up a couple of Bible verses to fit my thesis. One theory I used, Gottfried Leibniz’s Best Possible World theory, states that when God created the world, He wanted to create the best world. And the best possible world, according to Leibniz, is one in which man has free will. Free will, of course, causes many of the issues we see today.
I did not agree.
I mean, I didn’t agree that the best possible world is one in which man has free will. Look where free will has gotten us! Is this really the best possible world?
I believed in God. I just didn’t trust Him.
Even in active addiction, I’ve always been a “take responsibility” kind of person. I’m not saying I didn’t lie, deceive, and deny to avoid getting caught. But doing so tore me up more than some. And I’ll tell you that I was the most honest person in the trap house. If I stole from you, at least I would tell you (that was my brag).
The part I couldn’t understand, though, was why God would allow addiction to exist. Why would He allow such addictive substances? Why would He allow the dealers and the most vile addicts to flourish? I never thought I didn’t deserve the bad things that happened to me. But I was angry that I had the opportunity to sin. I was angry that I was exposed at such a young age. That’s the part that didn’t make sense.
What kind of plan could possibly involve a 12 year old getting addicted to opioids? If this was God’s plan then surely I wanted no part of it.
Actually, it felt more like God didn’t want me. God surely wouldn’t plan for this. So, I just assumed I wasn’t on His radar.
But God DOES have a plan. And I AM His.
Here’s the amazing majesty of God. When I came back to church after I sobered up a bit, we were nearing the end of Genesis. As I made my way into Biblical Counseling, we learned about Jacob’s life. Then I got saved, against the backdrop of Joseph’s great faith amidst a series of very unfortunate events.
I saw the forefathers of our faith giving into temptation and literally struggling with God. I saw them transform from sinners to great men of faith. Then I saw them fall back into old habits, receive God’s discipline, and His grace, then turning back to God.
I learned that God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called. And I learned that God disciplines His children, like any good Father does. My pastor says, “If God’s not disciplining you, then you might not be His child.” I came to realize that I can’t always protect my children from harm. I can’t always protect them from their own stupid decisions. Sometimes, the best teacher is experience and a lesson learned.
When my kids were just learning to walk, I couldn’t catch them every time they fell. If they don’t fall, they can’t learn to pick themselves back up. The same is true for us all, and our relationship with our Father in heaven. My favorite Christian hip hop artist writes in his song Miracles, “I’ve been drowning, I’ve been asking, ‘why would God allow this?’ If we were never lost then we would never know what found is.”
Our struggles demonstrate our need.
They also produce strength, endurance, and resilience. In fact, the authors of Scripture tell us that we should “consider it all joy” when we “encounter various trials.” James says that this suffering “produces endurance” which will “have its perfect result,” making us “perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (James 1:2-4). Paul agrees, stating that we “celebrate in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us” (Romans 5:3-5). And in 1 Peter, “After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you” (5:10).
Don’t miss this common theme in Scriptures. Another common saying we hear in church is, “The Christian life is hard.” It’s not for the weak. It’s for the meek. For those of us who have been tempted, and tested. For those of us who struggle, who slip, only to pick ourselves back up and start again. The Christian life is for those of us who endure, and who persevere. It’s for those of us who know how to fight, but we choose to let God fight for us. Because we know that He has already won what we are wholly unable to.
I still don’t know God’s plan. And I don’t need to.
Because that’s what faith is. It’s no longer in spite of my past, but because of my past that I know now how much greater God’s plan is for mine. Only He can take the mess I made and turn it into something beautiful, enduring, and meaningful. This is the same God who parted the Red Sea (Exodus 14:21). Who spoke the heavens and earth into existence.
This is the same God who formed man from the dust of the ground (Genesis 2:7), then fashioned woman from his rib (Genesis 2:21-22). The same God who sacrificed a living animal to lovingly craft a covering for them after they sinned (Genesis 3:21). Who removed us from the garden so that we wouldn’t eat from the Tree of Life, forcing us to live forever, separated from Him (Genesis 3:22-23). This is the same God who knew we could never meet the requirements of Salvation, who sent His Son to die the death that we all deserve, so that we could have fellowship and eternal life with Him (Romans 5:8-9).
This is the God that I trust with my future, with my family, and with my life. Because this is the God who’s given me my future, my family, and my life.
You May Also Like
He Will Provide the Way of Escape and Trusting in the Lord
and check out these items in our shop!
Grace Abounds More Mug and Motherhood is My Ministry Shirt
More Helpful Links
And don’t forget to follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. You can also join the conversation here by joining our Christian Women’s Community Forum and our Social Media Page!
Emily is a Christian mother and blogger who lives in sunny Florida with her three children. She works full-time setting appointments at a home remodeling company and in her scarce free time she enjoys serving her fellow brothers and sisters in Christ however possible, and spending as much time in prayer, Bible reading and studying, and fellowship as possible. As a recovering addict, she has a heart for addiction ministry, and for creating things so she can give back to those who have need.