Being a New Christian Mom

The most difficult part of being a new Christian mom has overwhelmingly been the pressure I’ve felt to turn my children into tiny little saints overnight. Admittedly, I realize the source of this pressure is none other than myself. But I find myself reading verses like Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he grows older he will not abandon it,” and 20:11, “It is by his deeds that a boy distinguishes himself, if his conduct is pure and right.”

I’m sorry—their deeds? Pure and right? When my pastor mentioned scouring the Proverbs for advice on parenting, I jumped at the bit, anxious for any formula I could get my hands on to assure me my children would walk a straight path to God’s Kingdom. But as I anxiously flipped the pages, highlighter in hand, the only assurance I felt was that my children were hopeless sinners, just like me.

Isn’t that the point?

Still, it’s taken months to sink in. Months spent screaming at my kids the fifth commandment. Lord, help me. Months, pleading with them to just listen while I read my favorite verse. Bribing them with whatever idol their little hearts desired. Months of shamefully delivering my youngest to the church’s nursery, apologizing that I hadn’t yet performed a miracle on him.

Then one day, my younger two got into a fight. And as I moved in to reprimand and discipline, the Spirit within me took over. I don’t remember the talk we had in its entirety. But I remember the tears rolling down her face, before I reminded her of what I’d only recently learned I would need to remind myself of constantly: if we weren’t sinners, we wouldn’t need a Savior. If we were capable of being perfect, Jesus wouldn’t have had to die for us. And I remember what she did next. She walked over to her Bible Study book, flipped to the page with instructions to write a personal prayer to God, and asked for help writing, "Dear God, I'm sorry for the bad things I've done. Please forgive me. Amen."

In that moment it all came rushing in. How can we expect our children to be anything more than we, as full-grown adults, are capable of being? And how can we teach them of their dependence on and need for God, if we treat them as though they alone are responsible for their save-ability?

How can we allow God to change their hearts if we focus so much on their behavior?

Matthew 6:33 tells us to "seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all of this will be provided." Providing for His children means far more than food, water, and necessities. God is "able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think" (Eph 3:20), who "did not spare His own son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?" (Romans 8:32).

I pray daily that God helps me to hold onto this. Because it took me nearly 32 years to surrender myself to Him. And it was never up to me. He chose me, before the foundation of the world. But I had a lot to learn, to strengthen and prepare me for whatever He has planned for me. And I pray my children never have to walk through what I walked through--but I wouldn't dare rob them of the gift of God's plan at work, using all the junk I put myself through for my good and for His glory.

My job was never to make my children perfect. Only Christ can do that. And He's already done it, once and for all. My job is only to be a good, living example of Christlikeness, to teach them as much as I can about God's character and promises--then to stand back and let God do the heavy lifting.